So, a lot has happened since my last blog. Life has changed in so many different directions, it became a roller coaster of emotions I couldn’t get off. There were times I thought to myself “Seriously! Can things get any worse!?” Life felt like one constant blow after another. My favourite words I’d sigh to myself after each new blow was ” Ahh well…nevermind!” Even my 3 year old son started saying it as he’d heard it so often. Secretly, I felt depressed and hopeless inside and tried hard not to show it as my enthusiasm for anything started to spiral. No home. No money. No future. I had lost everything.
Then something happened. I was watching an animated DVD with my little boy early one morning after another sleepless night. In the movie things had gone wrong and the character said something that hit home….
“When you hit rock bottom, the only place left to go…is up!”
Later that day, I saw the same words written in a post on facebook. Again, it hit home, even harder this time. That was enough for me to reframe my beliefs about what was happening to me from a negative to a positive. I still said “Ahh well…nevermind!”, but now it had a new meaning and feeling. It became a positive thing, like dusting yourself off and carrying on with more courage and determination. I changed my focus from what I didn’t have and thought I needed, to what I wanted to happen and also what I already have. Only I have the power to change things for the better, I am the one in control of my thoughts and feelings or the meaning I give things, nobody else. So it was time for a new start for myself…and a new life!
“Out of the ashes, rose the phoenix”
Things started happening for the better. We finally found a home in a new area, money started to come in as more work presented itself. My health got better and I found more energy and positivity. It also became time to say goodbye to ‘The Performance Rider’ as it just wasn’t sitting comfortable with me. After some internal searching and questions of “What am I and my life really about?” Then it came to me… Resilience.
What is resilience? To me, it’s the ability to pick yourself up and carry on when things go wrong. To learn from mistakes in a positive way, having the courage to push on and try again. The determination or commitment to learn and make things better. To grow. When things aren’t working to try another way. Not give up.
My life with horses has been all about being resilient. Blood, sweat and tears were shed on many occasions! There were several knock backs, mistakes I had to learn from. Times I thought I should give up as I didn’t have what it takes anymore, but still kept going. I appreciate now all those things that happened to me, the good and the bad! It has made me who I am today. Stronger, positive, appriciative, intuitive, patient amongst other things.
So, on that note I will introduce you all to the new chapter of my life, and hopefully be in yours….
Welcome to ‘Resilient Rider’ 😀